the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
