Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
