Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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