Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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