I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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