That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
