its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
