your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize