Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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