No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
