I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
