i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
