How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
be right there i have to get my cape
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
