he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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