The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
