Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
