dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
