3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
