I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize