I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
