it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
