if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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