did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
