I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
