once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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