He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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