Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
