I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
