Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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