I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
