Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
