So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
