he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
