I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
