Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
