After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
