Umm I'm too high to move.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
