Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
