you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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