There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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