Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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