Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
