I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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