i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
