So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
