he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
