A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
