Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
