just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
