I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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