Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
