This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
