I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
