the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
