i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
