just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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