I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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