yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
