take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
