i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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