is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Randomize
