There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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