Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
