Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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