how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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