What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
