wrigley field is MILF paradise
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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