got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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