Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
