Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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