That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize