I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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