My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize