During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
