8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
