Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
