NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
