i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
