i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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