I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
