Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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