Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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