ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
