dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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