maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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