happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
