I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
