I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
