I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize