I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
