I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I want is dick and wine.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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