the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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