$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
