HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize