Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize