I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
