absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
