ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
