How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
